"Michael, you’re a Horse."
God’s eloquence yet again surprises me.
"Thanks?" I say or ask.
"What I mean is that you are a wild animal. You have always been
wild. Not in a good and fun way. You ran in the fields doing whatever you
pleased for most of your life. The
problem with this is that you had no one to take care of you. More importantly
you had no purpose. You were just a horse running in a field. Woopty- doo. Then you found my stable. I
provided you with a warm bed, food, water, love and I gave you purpose. I
showed you that a horse could be useful. I showed you that after sometime
learning a horse could be used for servant-hood, work, and even battle. A horse
could be the very thing that carries a King into a kingdom to conquer it. I
showed you that a horse could change the world.”
“Oh I see where this is going. That’s awesome
God. Giving me vision for my future, that’s fantastic. I’m going to be a horse
that changes the world.” My naive nature
and pride know no bounds.
“No Michael. I have not come to discuss your
future. I have come to warn you of your present. You have been staying at my
stable for some time now and it’s been good. It’s been working. However, you
are still not yet broken of your wild nature. There are many times when you
jump the fence to play in the fields. You go out and come in. You have been
un-stable (Good pun people, you should
applaud.) For a horse to be used, it needs to not only be able to stand at
the fence looking in the fields and hesitate jumping. No, for a horse to be
used it needs to know that those fields will never be an option. For a horse to
be used, it must be fully submitted to its master. For a horse to one day
change the world, it must not be wild. Michael for a horse to be used, it
cannot be like you.”
“Oh…Here hold on God; let me just clean up my
teeth off the ground.” My stomach was in knots.
I am, if you don't know this about me already,
a bit of a 'shoot questions first and ask bullets later' type of guy; or
something like that. Some of you believe that I wrote that phrase wrong; the
others had only skimmed it and are now re-reading it because I have pointed out
that there is an error in that statement.
However the truth is that I purposely wrote 'shoot questions first and
ask bullets later'… Okay I actually didn't, but I thought I would keep it
because it was funny and then after that I thought what an appropriate
illustration to use for this blog. Funny how that works.
Anyways, when I say that I 'shoot questions first
and ask bullets later,' I am referring to my relationship with God or, more
importantly, the process I can go through with God. This is when I am asking
God if I can do something or if my plans are a ‘go’ in his kingdom, not when He
is asking me to do something: That is another process entirely, that involves
kicking, screaming, and some drool… Now what I mean by this statement, “Shoot questions first and as bullets later”
is that I tend to shoot questions that are loaded. I shoot out questions
towards God that I already have the answers to, and questions that don't really
need to be asked. These questions get
shot off before I make a decision, I don't listen for the answers, I just shoot.
So when I am considering doing something, that has any significant weight or
value in my life, I use this tactic with God. This system generally allows me
to justify my idea, logically work out the possible results, and easily take
God out of the equation so that I don't have to hear answers like 'no' or even
worse... 'patience'.
Now comes the second part, 'ask bullets later',
this metaphor might be a stretch... But let’s try anyways. The 'asking bullets
later' is a direct result of ‘shooting questions first.’ I make my decisions
based on the questions that I have shot and once the decisions are made I am
faced with consequences. Once I have been faced with these consequences I have
to evaluate the goodness or badness of them. Now just to be clear when God is
not involved or I kick him out of the decision making process with my ‘question
shooting’ the consequences always end up being bad. So, when I am faced with a
bad consequence, I have to evaluate the situation and see where everything went
downhill. Since I have no questions to ask God because I, beforehand, shot
those questions down, I have to resort to another area of the situation to find
clues as to what went wrong. Now the
only things I can ask are the bullets, the bullets being my own failed attempts
at answering the questions.
Truthfully, this stretched out metaphor has
probably become very confusing for any readership that I have and so I’m going
to break this down into a simpler format. Yaayyy!
Shooting questions first:
There is a glass of unknown liquid and I'm thirsty. I initially think to
myself 'I want to drink that'.
However, a small voice arises that is better known as the Holy Spirit. This
voice of God asks specific things like 'should I drink that? Is it Gods will?
Is it sin?' Now this is where I begin to shoot questions: 'well what’s wrong
with it? It looks good doesn't it? I’m thirsty aren't I? Can't I stop drinking
if I realize it’s bad? What’s the worst that could happen if I try it? Right?'
Now
obviously reviewing this series of questions one would believe that there is no
reason not to drink the liquid. And so I
drink it and almost immediately after I realize that this is not what I
wanted. It’s sweet, tasty, and good but
I'm thirsty for something that will help quench my thirst. I don't want
something that gives me a momentary relief, I want something that lasts. I want
water but I'm drinking pop! Crap!
Ask bullets later:
This is where I have to go back and try and learn something from the
mess that I made. I look over the blown apart bits of questions that lay
riddled throughout my mind and I am left asking the bullets. The bullets aren't
the same questions and they aren't the way in which I asked. They are actually
the answers I gave to shoot the questions.
What’s wrong with it:
Nothing.
It looks good doesn't it: Yes.
I’m thirsty aren't I: Yes.
Can't I stop drinking
if I realize it’s bad: Yes.
What’s the worst that
can happen if I try it: Nothing.
Right: Right.
Now
what can I learn from these bullets: Nothing, yes, yes, yes, nothing, right.
Well
these bullets actually tell me what I can learn from them... Nothing. And since nothing is learned, nothing
changes. This is a continuous pattern used when trying to find answers with the
almighty, not only in my life but in many people’s lives. (If it wasn't I
wouldn't write about it) How can the will of God ever be sought out, how can it
ever be acquired, if we won’t shut up and make the hard decision of actually
listening to God?
Some of you may say, ‘It’s obvious that you don’t
need to ask the bullets Michael. You could just re-ask the same questions to
yourself and learn from those.” Sorry your wrong reader. If you act based on a
particular set of questions and you base those questions around obtaining the
answer you want, you will always have the same answers. For instance, if you
review the specific questions I asked, there is actually no other answer for
them. Whether they be asked before or after deciding to act. The questions I
ask are specifically manufactured to provide only one answer: What I’m about to do is okay. Why would
I use questions that only form one justified answer? Because I’m a manipulative
son-of-a-gun! Before I even ask, I have made up my mind and so as only to
justify the reasoning in my heart. Therefore, it follows that going back and
re-asking these questions will do nothing for me. I must seek out an answer elsewhere
and since I have kicked God out of the equation by denying his questions and justifying
my own, I inevitably have only one place to look. My lame answers. I would ask
God where I went wrong, BUT I ALREADY KNOW! I went wrong when I kicked Him out
and used my manipulative questions to shoot down anything he had to say. I’m
being very transparent here and I hope that doesn't change your view of me… I’m
obviously allowing God to conquer this area in my life or I wouldn't be writing
about it.
This is one of my fields as a horse. I make my
own decisions. Many times I make these decisions out of logic and reason rather
than out of faith and submission. My heart wants. My flesh wants. My mind
wants. My wants birth my decisions. My decisions give way to my consequences. This
is the equation that keeps me where I am, keeps me stuck. This formula for
decision making is what keeps me from being the horse that walks my King into a
kingdom to conquer it. This process does not change the world.
Gods process on the other hand is different;
God see’s needs. Your heart needs. Your flesh doesn't need. Your mind needs.
His kingdom needs. When needs are met it births thankfulness. Thankfulness
gives way to submission. Submission fuels purpose. Purpose is the key to fulfillment.
I don’t want to be a “Shoot questions first,
ask bullets later, wild horse.” I want to be a “Listen to God, submit to his
will, and change the world horse.” The only way I can do that is to change the
formula. To do the opposite of what I want. The only way we will ever be the
kind of people, the kind of Christians that change this world, is by changing ourselves
first.
2 Corinthians 5:17: ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have
passed away; behold, all things have become new.’
