Michael, You're a Horse.

   

"Michael, you’re a Horse."  God’s eloquence yet again surprises me.

    

"Thanks?" I say or ask.

   

"What I mean is that you are a wild animal. You have always been wild. Not in a good and fun way. You ran in the fields doing whatever you pleased for most of your life.  The problem with this is that you had no one to take care of you. More importantly you had no purpose. You were just a horse running in a field. Woopty- doo. Then you found my stable. I provided you with a warm bed, food, water, love and I gave you purpose. I showed you that a horse could be useful. I showed you that after sometime learning a horse could be used for servant-hood, work, and even battle. A horse could be the very thing that carries a King into a kingdom to conquer it. I showed you that a horse could change the world.”

“Oh I see where this is going. That’s awesome God. Giving me vision for my future, that’s fantastic. I’m going to be a horse that changes the world.” My naive nature and pride know no bounds.

“No Michael. I have not come to discuss your future. I have come to warn you of your present. You have been staying at my stable for some time now and it’s been good. It’s been working. However, you are still not yet broken of your wild nature. There are many times when you jump the fence to play in the fields. You go out and come in. You have been un-stable (Good pun people, you should applaud.) For a horse to be used, it needs to not only be able to stand at the fence looking in the fields and hesitate jumping. No, for a horse to be used it needs to know that those fields will never be an option. For a horse to be used, it must be fully submitted to its master. For a horse to one day change the world, it must not be wild. Michael for a horse to be used, it cannot be like you.”

“Oh…Here hold on God; let me just clean up my teeth off the ground.” My stomach was in knots.

I am, if you don't know this about me already, a bit of a 'shoot questions first and ask bullets later' type of guy; or something like that. Some of you believe that I wrote that phrase wrong; the others had only skimmed it and are now re-reading it because I have pointed out that there is an error in that statement.  However the truth is that I purposely wrote 'shoot questions first and ask bullets later'… Okay I actually didn't, but I thought I would keep it because it was funny and then after that I thought what an appropriate illustration to use for this blog.  Funny how that works.

Anyways, when I say that I 'shoot questions first and ask bullets later,' I am referring to my relationship with God or, more importantly, the process I can go through with God. This is when I am asking God if I can do something or if my plans are a ‘go’ in his kingdom, not when He is asking me to do something: That is another process entirely, that involves kicking, screaming, and some drool… Now what I mean by this statement, “Shoot questions first and as bullets later” is that I tend to shoot questions that are loaded. I shoot out questions towards God that I already have the answers to, and questions that don't really need to be asked.  These questions get shot off before I make a decision, I don't listen for the answers, I just shoot. So when I am considering doing something, that has any significant weight or value in my life, I use this tactic with God. This system generally allows me to justify my idea, logically work out the possible results, and easily take God out of the equation so that I don't have to hear answers like 'no' or even worse... 'patience'.

Now comes the second part, 'ask bullets later', this metaphor might be a stretch... But let’s try anyways. The 'asking bullets later' is a direct result of ‘shooting questions first.’ I make my decisions based on the questions that I have shot and once the decisions are made I am faced with consequences. Once I have been faced with these consequences I have to evaluate the goodness or badness of them. Now just to be clear when God is not involved or I kick him out of the decision making process with my ‘question shooting’ the consequences always end up being bad. So, when I am faced with a bad consequence, I have to evaluate the situation and see where everything went downhill. Since I have no questions to ask God because I, beforehand, shot those questions down, I have to resort to another area of the situation to find clues as to what went wrong.  Now the only things I can ask are the bullets, the bullets being my own failed attempts at answering the questions.

Truthfully, this stretched out metaphor has probably become very confusing for any readership that I have and so I’m going to break this down into a simpler format. Yaayyy!

Shooting questions first:  There is a glass of unknown liquid and I'm thirsty. I initially think to myself 'I want to drink that'. However, a small voice arises that is better known as the Holy Spirit. This voice of God asks specific things like 'should I drink that? Is it Gods will? Is it sin?' Now this is where I begin to shoot questions: 'well what’s wrong with it? It looks good doesn't it? I’m thirsty aren't I? Can't I stop drinking if I realize it’s bad? What’s the worst that could happen if I try it? Right?'

               

             Now obviously reviewing this series of questions one would believe that there is no reason not to drink the liquid.  And so I drink it and almost immediately after I realize that this is not what I wanted.  It’s sweet, tasty, and good but I'm thirsty for something that will help quench my thirst. I don't want something that gives me a momentary relief, I want something that lasts. I want water but I'm drinking pop! Crap!

Ask bullets later:  This is where I have to go back and try and learn something from the mess that I made. I look over the blown apart bits of questions that lay riddled throughout my mind and I am left asking the bullets. The bullets aren't the same questions and they aren't the way in which I asked. They are actually the answers I gave to shoot the questions.

What’s wrong with it:  Nothing.

 It looks good doesn't it:  Yes.

 I’m thirsty aren't I: Yes. 

Can't I stop drinking if I realize it’s bad: Yes. 

What’s the worst that can happen if I try it: Nothing.

Right: Right.

                

            Now what can I learn from these bullets: Nothing, yes, yes, yes, nothing, right.

Well these bullets actually tell me what I can learn from them... Nothing.  And since nothing is learned, nothing changes. This is a continuous pattern used when trying to find answers with the almighty, not only in my life but in many people’s lives. (If it wasn't I wouldn't write about it) How can the will of God ever be sought out, how can it ever be acquired, if we won’t shut up and make the hard decision of actually listening to God?

Some of you may say, ‘It’s obvious that you don’t need to ask the bullets Michael. You could just re-ask the same questions to yourself and learn from those.” Sorry your wrong reader. If you act based on a particular set of questions and you base those questions around obtaining the answer you want, you will always have the same answers. For instance, if you review the specific questions I asked, there is actually no other answer for them. Whether they be asked before or after deciding to act. The questions I ask are specifically manufactured to provide only one answer: What I’m about to do is okay. Why would I use questions that only form one justified answer? Because I’m a manipulative son-of-a-gun! Before I even ask, I have made up my mind and so as only to justify the reasoning in my heart. Therefore, it follows that going back and re-asking these questions will do nothing for me. I must seek out an answer elsewhere and since I have kicked God out of the equation by denying his questions and justifying my own, I inevitably have only one place to look. My lame answers. I would ask God where I went wrong, BUT I ALREADY KNOW! I went wrong when I kicked Him out and used my manipulative questions to shoot down anything he had to say. I’m being very transparent here and I hope that doesn't change your view of me… I’m obviously allowing God to conquer this area in my life or I wouldn't be writing about it.

This is one of my fields as a horse. I make my own decisions. Many times I make these decisions out of logic and reason rather than out of faith and submission. My heart wants. My flesh wants. My mind wants. My wants birth my decisions. My decisions give way to my consequences. This is the equation that keeps me where I am, keeps me stuck. This formula for decision making is what keeps me from being the horse that walks my King into a kingdom to conquer it. This process does not change the world.

Gods process on the other hand is different; God see’s needs. Your heart needs. Your flesh doesn't need. Your mind needs. His kingdom needs. When needs are met it births thankfulness. Thankfulness gives way to submission. Submission fuels purpose. Purpose is the key to fulfillment.

I don’t want to be a “Shoot questions first, ask bullets later, wild horse.” I want to be a “Listen to God, submit to his will, and change the world horse.” The only way I can do that is to change the formula. To do the opposite of what I want. The only way we will ever be the kind of people, the kind of Christians that change this world, is by changing ourselves first.  

2 Corinthians 5:17: ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.’