Driving Your Identity.

I am unsure of how to begin this excerpt, not that it needs a classy or dramatic beginning but I do like a good ice breaker. All [icebreakers] seem to be somewhat cheesy or cliche to me right now. It is truly amazing how ones mood can effect the little things. On a side note which has nothing to do with icebreakers or this blog post, can some one please message me on how it is I am supposed to correctly use the words 'Affect' and 'Effect'. It seriously eludes me. I've tried looking it up and I'm still oblivious as to the proper usage of both words. (Also if the word was or is used in the wrong context through out this blog...deal with it). Well I suppose that is as good an icebreaker as any... Now to the point.

This September I will be 23 years of age. Definitely not old to some but to others an infinite age that wont be reached for the astronomical time of 10 years (Yes sarcasm intended). Wow I am really struggling to stay on point, I do hope you can stay interested with my major writing flaws: one being running of on pointless tangents like this and the other is writing as if I were talking; a technique some loathe entirely but I find fun and easy to relate to. Anyways back on track, 23 years old: This is not a problem to me. I am excited to grow older; I see elders in my church and my soul grows passionate to journey into that age one day. However the problem I have been facing, that is perpetually discouraging me, is the fact that I am almost 23 and have not yet obtained my drivers license. To some this is a trivial matter of "who cares"; Well I do and this is my blog so read on or go back to Facebook and update your status or something.

Today I went in for my road test for the third time. I said to God the night and morning before "How can I pass this test Lord? Any help would... help" the answer I heard was "Pray while your instructor is in the car and you will do fine."

Easy enough.

SO testing time comes around and we get in the vehicle, as we are about to pull away I prayed for our journey. The test began, 45 minutes went by, I failed. In all my wisdom, knowledge, coolness, and righteousness I took the less prideful road upon hearing this news and graciously told my driving instructor that he had made a mistake... Wait, I said that wrong... In all my foolishness, lack of knowledge, hotheadedness, and sinfulness I took the less humble road upon hearing this news and bitterly argued with my driving instructor about how he was wrong in failing me. What a great way to display Christ-likeness and attract more people to the kingdom: Pray to God, undoubtedly revealing your Christianity, and than argue a meaningless point in which you make yourself look like a hypocrite and a loser. Smooooooooooooth. (I know that that word has entirely to many o's in it but I want to make a point of how stupid what I did was.)

*Before I go on I want to inform you that I am going to be pretty honest about who I am, not because I want to let you in on the secrets of my soul, I really don't; But, I need to establish a connection with you, the reader, so that you may fully understand and take something from this other than just a good (or bad) read.

Failure is such an empty word to me. It is deafening and also threatening. I loathe it. I have failed so much in life that I have placed a vendetta upon the word; my weapon of choice being success. I have made it a point to take on whatever God hands to me and succeed in it. I have been met with great favour; however, I have also found a major downfall in it: Pride. In my busyness of success, accomplishments and overcoming (Which are all great things) I can forget why I succeed, how I succeed and who I am succeeding for. Do I remember that it is God?

Now back to getting the license. In my mind when I fail my license test I hear a voice in my head saying the coldest words - "You are not a man" (The enemy known as satan). After this my mind begins to fill up with all sorts of 'logic' to enforce this small statement - "Being 23 and a male, I should have my license; Men Drive, that's what we are supposed to be good at. People are sick of giving this boy rides all over the place. What girl wants a boy who can't even pick her up for a date." (The enemy known as myself)

* Please, Please, Please do not take these statements and get all sentimental on me and try to encourage me by telling me that its okay you don't mind giving me rides or that I will find a great girl who doesn't care, blah blah blah. I am NOT looking for reassurance or encouragement, I have Christ for those things. I really just want you to know the thought process that can occur and I want you to relate it to your own thought process during a moment like this one.

So when I failed today I became angry. Angry with the instructor, angry with myself, and angry with God. In truth I almost began to cry when I argued with him, I was just so fed up with failing the test and with this voice in my head telling me that every time I failed I became less and less of a man. When I arrived back home I was alone and Began to voice my opinion on the matter to God.

"YOU SAID IT WOULD BE FINE!" I shouted.

"It was, you did great." God retorted.

"WHAT GIVES MAN!? I AM TIRED OF THIS! IVE FAILED THREE TIMES NOW! IS THERE EVEN A POINT IN TRYING!?" I then sat at the kitchen table frustrated and confused. I didn't even try to listen for an answer to my bellowing.

(Much more was said but I can't remember all of it, this is just a small paraphrase to give you an idea of our conversation)

A little while later I joined my boss to finish the day of work. Being a good friend I vented my feelings and frustrations to him. Being a man of God, he knew exactly what to say back. I wont get into detail about our discussion but it ended well and I felt better. I realized something important during our talk though and it wasn't even what we were discussing. God has spoken to me about this very thing, the first time I failed my drivers exam He said "Your identity is not found in this." I thought I understood what He meant, I was obviously wrong.

I've made a human test the deciding factor of my manhood and identity. How deeply flawed. Christ is my Identity, I am His creation, His son. I have found more out about myself taking his tests and failing then I have passing any man made test. I have overcome the bleak, dark, hole that was my life because He called and asked me to come. I have succeeded in most of the things He has set before me because He Himself has given me the resources to do so. How dare I place the value of my existence into a test made for nothing. I think of great names in the Bible: David, Paul, John, Abraham- not one of them got their license and they were all successful MEN of God. Strong men, devoted men, UN-licensed men!

Now I am not saying that I will stop trying and give up having my license for the rest of my years, that is foolishness. But I will give up allowing this test to be my defining moment! I will succeed because of God and in God, not because of myself! As for my identity; Who am I? Disciple? Servant? Son? ALL of these things wrapped up into one Michael Blackburn! I love God, people, and doing all that He [The Christ] has set before me. I will worship God all my days, dance like crazy in His love, serve Him until I live, and I will take anyone I can with me. My success is made relevant as I put a smile on His face, anything else isn't worth accomplishing. What can the enemy say to that?

Now to exhort you: Do you understand what affect your pride, anger, selfishness and actions have on the salvation of the world around you? You may one day be [and most likely have been] the deciding factor in someones decision to enter Heaven or be pushed in to hell. What in your life has taken control of who you are? Do you know what your destiny is and is that destiny planned out by God? I am asking myself these very same questions at this moment. Who we are will define our roll in this world and if we begin to allow something other then Christ to make us then it will inevitably alter the definition of our roll. So whats driving your identity?